On Fallen Stars and Soldiers

I think I only saw four of his movies, and enjoyed two of them. Any memory I have of his face, or voice, or mannerisms, are the result of celluloid and paparazzi. He didn't even live in my neighborhood, or attend my alma matter. Couldn't connect him and myself with six degrees, or twelve, or fifty. But last night's breaking news headline announcing his death elicited a genuine emotional response from me.

Which lead my mind to wonder... Why do I care? Why do I care about this stranger's death when I am able to walk by the homeless and hungry feeling only the slightest twinge of guilt and rarely, if ever, reaching into my pocket for change. In cold black and white, those are not words I am proud of, and I can't help but think, is this something about myself that I should be working to change?

It's easy to see, now, what has lead to this. The media and public obsession with actors, musicians, and various other celebrities has somehow made me - and others, I'm sure - feel as though I have some emotional stock invested in complete strangers - people so completely unknown to me that the only tie I have to them is a list of characters they once played, people they pretended to be for a short time, before going home to be themselves and leaving me forever associating their faces with names, words, and actions without even a basis in reality.

Our lives are so inundated with facts and rumors and gossip and news about people we have no real connection to whatsoever, that we go so far as to refer to some of them by their first names, or names we have created especially for them, as though they are our pets. And what's more, this is socially acceptable behavior. This is what leads the 5, 6, 10 and 11 o'clock news casts.

I remember the first time I felt authentic sadness at the death of a celebrity. I was on the school bus, listening to the radio announce Chris Farley's death, and I was in the seventh grade.

That's right, I was only twelve years old, and already a substantial enough part of my general attention was focused on the lives of celebrities that news of one's death impacted my life enough that I remember the exact moment, ten years later.

And I'm not letting myself off the hook by claiming to be extraordinarily compassionate, either. I know that if that was the case, I'd never have change for the subway or for laundry; I would forever be dropping into extended cups. If that was the case, I would have actually volunteered for a non-profit instead of casually researching some options and then losing steam and becoming distracted. I'm not a cold person, I do care about others - I just wish that I cared more about the right ones, so to speak.

How to change this? Stop watching movies, for fear an actor's portrayal of a fictional character influence my mood and memory? And stop listening to music, lest I become too attached to the words of certain songwriters and regard them as unusually important? I've heard my parents and grandparents talk about where they were when they first heard that President Kennedy had been assassinated, I saw the way they shook their heads and still seemed a little shocked, forty years later, remembering the personal loss they experienced when their president was killed. I really don't want my children to see me responding to the memory of a dead actor in the same way, not if I can't even bring myself to respond the same way when remembering how a community member or world leader or social activist lost their life.

Don't get me wrong, I am not arguing that a celebrity's death is less important than anyone else's, or that the loss is not as great to those who truly knew and loved them. I just wonder what it says about me, and my peers, and the world we are living in and creating for ourselves, when the death of a complete stranger is more newsworthy, and deserves more emotional response, than the suffering of someone just outside the door, or down the street, or, for that matter, halfway around the world. Is it just because he was a familiar face? Is that a legitimate reason?

This past weekend, I was at my parent's house when I heard the news that a soldier from my hometown was killed in Iraq. He had been a friend of a good friend of mine, in high school, and was only a year behind me. I was shocked. I hadn't even known he was in the Army, let alone fighting overseas. I wanted to call our mutual friend, but I didn't have her number anymore. I wanted to go to the memorial services, but I was scheduled to be back in Boston by then. It was devastating to hear those words and read the subsequent article in the local paper. It was a huge loss for our tiny community and my heart goes out to his family and friends.

But I didn't know him personally, and I didn't change my plans to stay in New York and mourn him. I didn't even call around to get my friend's number and express my sympathy. When I got back in Massachusetts, I had a lot of trouble finding any news about his funeral or family.

So why was his death only front-page news in one county, of one state, for one day? What are we saying by making the death of a soldier so significantly less worthy of newsprint and broadcast minutes than the death of an actor?

I hardly can bring myself to wonder at the answer.